The Flamingo and Neon Green Robes Incident
by abbzeh
Summary: '... Once an item has been purchased, we no longer have any responsibility over what the product does,' Kurt added. He shrugged lightly. 'Not our problem.' / Hogwarts!AU. Kurtcheltana friendship, brief Klaine and Brittana.


_A/N: So my cupcake of a friend and I were talking about how a Hogwarts!AU of Glee would look – what House everyone would be in, who would be with who, that sort of thing – and this ended up being created. And I would have posted this as a chapter of Time Has Brought Your Heart to Me, but Klaine isn't really the main focus here – it's more Kurtcheltana because let's face it, we all love them being room mates. Also, when Glee goes on hiatus, does the fandom go insane like the Supernatural one does, or like the Sherlock one constantly is?_

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Kurt walked slowly down the corridor, Rachel and Santana at either side of him. All three of them were rubbing at their eyes, trying to blink away the sleep. He could tell that today was going to be long, and he could just hear Mercedes lecturing him about why it was his own fault. It probably was his own fault, the logical part of his mind reasoned, but he still needed the money. Okay, maybe he didn't need the money per se – being the son of a politician did tend to have it's perks, after all – but money was money, and money was good.

'How many did we make?' Rachel mumbled into Kurt's shoulder, holding onto his hand like it was a lifeline.

'Like, twenty or something,' Santana replied, running a hand through her hair and trying to make a particular part of it lie flat.

Kurt didn't say anything. He kept concentrating on walking, because walking meant he would get to the Great Hall quicker, and that meant food. And food was nearly as good as money. The distant sound of echoing chatter began to get louder, hundreds of voices merged into one giant wall of sound that frankly sounded far too cheerful for this early in the morning. They turned a corner, and they were walking up the steps that led to the Great Hall, the noise far louder now. Neither of them spoke as they hurried into the Hall, heading towards the Slytherin table. Kurt quickly caught Blaine's eye and flashed him a smile.

Kurt was well aware that a lot of the other Slytherins thought he was insane. After all, a Slytherin and Gryffindor willingly interacting was generally unheard of, but to be going out? Then there was the thing that was going on between Brittany and Santana, but nobody dared to say anything for fear of disembowelment.

'Professor Sylvester said she'd be buying more today,' Rachel said as they sat down at the table. Kurt reached across and poured himself a goblet of pumpkin juice. 'There's no guessing as to who she's inflicting them on.'

Santana snickered on Kurt's other side. 'It'll be entertaining to see when we find out, especially since we don't know what happens when they're mixed together.' She seemed to be positively brimming with amusement at what would befall Professor Schuester, Sylvester's long-time rival. Students, and even some of the professors, said that this was the rival of a century, putting the last great rivalry between Professors McGonagall and Snape to shame. Sue took it to new levels, actively going out of her way to insult Will, make his life difficult and continuously nab the Quidditch Cup from, as Sue liked to call them in the after party, 'William's margarine covered paws'. That was why she hand picked her players and forced them to join the team and trained the team herself, apparently not trusting anyone else to the job – she had also allegedly 'strong-armed some clauses into her contract' that allowed her to do that.

'He thinks we're behind the scheme, you know,' Rachel said conversationally, biting into an apple nonchalantly as she glanced down the table at her fellow Slytherins.

'Oh, he can't prove anything,' Santana said dismissively, waving a hand as though she were batting away a fly.

'Besides, once an item has been purchased, we no longer have any responsibility over what the product does,' Kurt added as he started to eat his cereal. He shrugged lightly. 'Not our problem.'

'Exactly,' Santana said with a smirk, fingers running lightly over her gleaming Quidditch Captain badge. Their attention was diverted by Sebastian, who came and dropped down heavily into a seat opposite them. He regarded the three of them, eyebrow raised.

'Judging by the darkness under your eyes, I'm guessing that you made another batch last night,' he said lightly, reaching across the table and piling his plate full of eggs and bacon. Rachel wrinkled her nose at the sight, but didn't say anything.

'Professor Sylvester bought ten yesterday,' Santana supplied, reaching over and stealing a piece of bacon. She ignored Sebastian's protests, muffled by a mouthful of food. 'All completely random, and it'll be interesting to see what the result is of using them together.'

'Because it's not our problem anymore,' Kurt repeated, shrugging again. Sebastian just rolled his eyes at them.

'I don't even know how you three managed to become Head Boy, Head Girl and Quidditch Captain,' he said, staring at them like they were some sort of interesting puzzle.

'It's because we're model students, Sebastian,' Kurt said, sitting up straight and looking completely innocent. 'We would never be seen doing anything as nefarious as selling various potions that we may or may not have made.'

Rachel nodded serenely in agreement. Sebastian snorted but didn't say anything more on the matter. For a few moments, they ate in relative silence, Kurt occasionally looking towards the Gryffindor table and making eye contact with Blaine. He really didn't understand why people seemed so shocked that a Gryffindor and a Slytherin could genuinely like each other enough to go out with each other. It wasn't as though they were both polar opposites. They were quite similar, really, except that Blaine didn't stay up all night concocting what were technically against-the-rules potions to sell, and Kurt wasn't really into acts of reckless bravery. Every so often, Kurt glanced over at Santana, and he saw her staring at Brittany.

There was a relationship that he never saw coming: fiery, sarcastic Santana falling for someone as sweet and innocent as Brittany. Still, it had made Santana happier than she had been in months, and so Kurt was fully prepared to support that relationship.

He was pulled, rather rudely in his opinion, from his drifting thoughts by the sound of a furious scream, coming from somewhere outside the Great Hall. All of the students looked over at the main door. Clearly, they wondered what the commotion was. Kurt had an inkling that he already knew. Seconds later, his theory was proven right when Will Schuester burst into the Great Hall. Kurt had to choke back a laugh.

He had no idea which of the potions Sue had used on him, but the effect was still extraordinary. In place of his usual brown hair was flowing pink locks, and his skin had somehow become green-ish blue and had started sprouting small stems. Add that to the fact that his robes had been dyed neon green, and Kurt was pretty sure he'd punctured a lung from the attempts of trying not to laugh. Clearly, some of the other students didn't have the same self control, if the random bursts of giggling was any indication.

'SUE!' Schue yelled, looking absolutely murderous. 'I KNOW YOU'RE BEHIND THIS!' He spun around on the spot, looking as though he was hoping for Sue to appear out of thin air. 'This is childish, Sue! It's childish and not even remotely creative!'

'Oh now, don't be rude, William.' Sue suddenly appeared from one of the side doors, in all her absolutely god-awful robed glory. She stared impassively at him as she walked to her spot at the table, sitting down nonchalantly. 'I put a lot of thought into that.'

'Sue!' Schue stormed over – well, stormed as much as he could whilst having pink hair – to the table and glared down at Sue, who continued pouring a drink as though he wasn't there. 'What is the meaning of this?!'

'I don't know what you mean, William,' Sue replied nonchalantly as she took a sip of her drink, peering at him over the brim with raised eyebrows. 'I wasn't aware that this had to have a meaning behind it.'

Schue, who had apparently not been expecting that as an answer, spluttered indignantly. Santana snickered, not even bothering to make an effort to hide her laughter.

'Ah relax, buddy. It'll have all worn off by tomorrow morning, so don't get your robes in a twist,' Sue said dismissively, starting to eat a piece of bacon. Schue looked like he was torn between wanting to scream in frustration or murder Sue, but he eventually decided on sitting down at the table. The moment he touched the chair, there was a sudden burst of feathers and light. When everyone looked back at the table, there was no longer Professor Schuester sitting there.

Instead, there was a flamingo.

Sue glanced at it briefly before continuing eating, apparently indifferent to the fact that her colleague had just turned into a bird next to her. The snickering continued, more and more people unable to hold in the laughter. Kurt glanced over at Blaine and saw his face scrunched up, a wide grin in place and eyes crinkled. Smiling, Kurt quickly took out his parchment and quill from his bag and scribbled down a note, before charming it and sending it towards the Gryffindor table.

It ended up hitting Blaine in the head, and god if it wasn't adorable then Kurt didn't know what was, because Blaine looked confused for a moment as he picked it up. When he unfolded it and read it, though, the smile returned, and burned bright with added intensity. He glanced over at Kurt, still smiling, before quickly turning back towards his table. A moment later, a small paper bird came flying at him. Kurt caught it before it could poke his eye out, and he unfolded it.

_Sure, we'll go on your little quest ;) See you in Potions._

_Love you x_

Kurt had to smile at the last line. Santana read it over his shoulder and made a small noise of disgust in the back of her throat.

'Urgh, sentimentality,' she said, looking disgusted as she stared at the piece of parchment in Kurt's hand. Kurt rolled his eyes as he got up from his seat. He heard Santana and Rachel follow. He immediately found himself beside Blaine, and they walked in companionable silence towards the dungeons, their hands occasionally brushing before Blaine just grabbed a hold of Kurt's. They both smiled at each other. Santana would definitely be gagging right now if she could see them.

And speaking of Santana, well, if Kurt did happen to see her walking ahead of him and Rachel (_when did that happen?_) with her pinkie linked with Brittany's, he didn't say anything. After all, she didn't say anything when she saw him walking hand in hand with Blaine.

He just smiled for her.

* * *

_A/N: I have no idea what this was. And I hate ending things, it always feels so awkward. Anyway, thoughts? _


End file.
